For much of my life, I felt like a passenger on a train I didn’t control. Circumstances dictated my direction, speed, and destination. I believed that life simply “happened” to me, and I was powerless to change it. But one moment of introspection set me on a journey of transformation: a journey toward intentional living.

It began with a question: Who holds the power over my life?

This thought was spurred by a quote by Viktor Frankl “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. These words struck me like lightning. I had always blamed external forces for my unhappiness: jobs I didn’t love, relationships that felt empty, and the lack of direction in my life. Yet Frankl’s words forced me to look inward. Was I really powerless, or had I surrendered control because it was easier than taking responsibility?

Before that moment, I lived under the assumption that some external force; be it fate, luck, or society dictated my path. I felt resentment and helplessness when things didn’t go as I wanted. I used phrases like, Why does this always happen to me? And If only I had more time, money, or talent. Beneath these complaints was fear; the fear of failure if I dared to take control. The emotions tied to this mindset were heavy: frustration, self-doubt, and hopelessness. These feelings created a vicious cycle, reinforcing the belief that I was stuck. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the problem wasn’t life; the problem was my perspective.

Everything changed when I started asking myself different questions. Instead of why is this happening to me? I asked, what can I do about this? Instead of seeing obstacles as evidence of my limitations, I reframed them as opportunities for growth. I began to realize that life isn’t something that happens to you—it’s something you co-create. The beliefs we hold, the habits we form, and the actions we take determine the trajectory of our lives.

I created a plan. The first step was setting clear intentions for my personal growth. I wrote down what I wanted—clarity, fulfillment, and confidence—and then mapped out habits to align with these goals. Small changes, like journaling each morning, reading ten pages of a book daily, and practicing gratitude, became anchors for my new mindset.

As I committed to these habits, I began to see progress. The more I reflected on my growth, the more I realized the importance of community. I sought out a support group; people who, like me, were committed to bettering themselves. Their encouragement and accountability pushed me forward when I felt like giving up.

Another crucial step was regular self-reflection. I asked myself weekly: what have I learned this week? where did I succeed, and where can I improve?

This practice helped me stay aligned with my intentions and adapt my approach when needed.

I would conclude that life mastery begins with a decision—to stop living passively and start living intentionally. As Lao Tzu said: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.  So, take that step today. Set clear goals, create habits that support those goals, and surround yourself with people who inspire you to grow. Reflect often, and don’t fear failure—it’s part of the process.

Life isn’t happening to you. You are happening to life. The question is, how will you shape it? Make a plan, act on it, and watch your life transform.

Félicité Haguma

Mindset Coach